2 months

Its been 2 months since I left LV. I am still recovering. I've heard that when you are in a relationship that ends, it takes 1 month for every year you were together, to get over the break up. With that theory, I should be over it pretty soon.
LV always seemed like this entity that I married in to. It is a major commitment to move into a community. Its like a marriage between 15-30 other people, who should all have the choice to know what they are getting into.
That would be a conscious way to invite a mother and child into your home.
I'm not over it yet; the millions of feelings I have about my 13 months living, working and playing there in the permie lifestyle way.
the miscommunications or non communications,
betrayal, nonacceptance, inefficiencies, fake smiles,
hugs, laughter, healthy food, drumming.....
i could go on forever
Although I miss it, I will not go back. I chose to leave and not fight the 1 or 2 people who fought for us to leave. I gave in, in the hopes of something better.
Oh! I hope there is something better.

"In stark contrast to a trust in our inherent worth, we were exiled from the garden of Eden. Because of our flawed nature, we do not deserve happiness or to be loved, at ease with life. We are outcasts, and if we are to reenter the garden we must redeem our sinful selves. We must overcome our flaws by controlling our bodies, controlling our emotions, controlling other people. And we must strive tirelessly-working,achieving, and rushing- in a never ending quest to prove ourselves once and for all."
(an almost quote from "Radical Acceptance" by Tara Brach)
I thought
I really thought, that LV would be past these mainstream paradigms.