northwest of dating

One time I thought I would go to one of those speed dating events. Luckily it was at a coffee shop, so I could pretend to be there for the coffee and not the speed dating if I chose to not participate. Luckily... because... I chose not to. I did however, satisfy what I really wanted to get out of that experience. I wanted practice talking to strangers. Since every table was taken, I chose to ask to share a table. I drank tea, chatted with people who came and went from my table and watched speed dating from afar. Not many people attended. I shouldnt have been surprised because people in Eugene are not speedy and they dont date.
On some things that might be considered dates we talk about how we've never known any polyamorous people until we lived here, or more often than not I am told that the person is not ready for a commitment, or doesnt want to date a mom.
On some things that might appear to be a date, we go out for drinks, go to a movie, hold hands and have nice conversations...well...those werent dates because we decided beforehand that we are just friends.
It can be pretty confusing up here in the land of 'Heart of Now'. I just hope that someday soon I will find everything that I am looking for.

lemons or chocolate

'when life hands you lemons, make lemonade'
I'm tired of this life lesson quote. I think I've done a pretty good job at this. I need a new one to live by...
something more like
if life hands you chocolate chips , make cookies.
something like that
something about appreciating the positives in good moments and possibly making good moments even better because I am so in the moment.
or something about not settling for lemonade
I'm tired of lemonade
if life hands you tequila , make margaritas
if life hands you lemons, barter for some chocolate and make a choc lava torte
I could probably make some smart reference to RC and women's liberation... not accepting anything less than absolutely everything
or
permaculture principles like the problem is the solution
i could
if i wanted to take more than 3 minutes to type this
if my brain felt more clear
but....
i dont want to right now

love and pickles

my baby is sick. She has been coughing for awhile but the last few days she seemed sick enough to not go to school. She was very angry and sad about missing taekwando yesterday and today we are resting up in the hopes to go to her 'Annie' rehearsal.
This morning we talked about her doctor visit she has tomorrow. I told her if she is still sick he might give her antibiotic medicine to take. She asked me if there are any foods she can eat instead. I told her I would get her anything she thought she needed to get better....her answer....
love
and pickles...
tomatoes
cucumber
superberry kombucha
arugula
grapes

of course, as I type this, she is outside running around with the hulahoop. How could I blame her though, its 60 degrees and sunny!

oh...the choices

Sometimes I am so grateful for the wonderful choices I am presented with. How lucky am I to have the choice of a free breitenbush hot springs trip, or an RC personal growth workshop. I had to turn down the hot springs trip, so I could be responsible and keep all of my weekend appointments, and go to my workshop. That felt pretty crazy. Ive been wanting to go to Breitenbush for years. I really did need to stay in town though. I made a good choice. Saturday was such a nice calm and productive day. I got everything done, plus some.
Superbowl Sunday NW of normal....
I went to a womens liberation gathering and test drove my vanagon with prospective buyers...
thats how we roll

power of ...now?

I really want to blog more. My thoughts are so scattered these days, its hard enough for me to even write an email, let alone a whole coherent blog post. What should I even write about? The thing is...all day, when things are going on around me, I am thinking. Usually I come up with really cool titles to ideas of blogs. I might think of a great sentence here or there. Especially at work. My mind wanders as I am scrubbing walls. Or when I am in absurd situations just observing...I think 'this will make a great blog'. and that's as far as it goes most of the time. Maybe I could just type my titles. a blog of titles. title of the day. but sometimes a song is the perfect descriptor of my day, or a picture, or a quote. The problem is...when i sit down at the computer...most of it has ....passed.... its in the past.
I like how I can live in the moment in that way.
its frustrating sometimes how i forget what i wanted to say or do
but also
something about it feels more real.more 'power of now'
if i had paper and a pen with me, i could write it in the moment. and rewrite it later. some of my better posts have happened that way. but.i forget to carry paper with me.
I would like to convey the absurd life I live. I feel too scattered these days. My needs for safety and security and support to not feel met. I guess, essentially that does convey in my posts. So, what I really want is to feel back on track, so I can feel settled enough to share my life with whoever is reading this.
I like sharing silly stories and permaculture lessons and somehow weaving them together.
right now I just feel like a stressed out mom

springfield learnings

What a strange town. It's not the same strange as Eugene though. Separated by a freeway, yet worlds apart somehow. They have the-weirdest-mall-ever, and the skating rink is like one I've never experienced before.
Ive heard stories about this city on the 'wrong side of the tracks' since before I moved here...but I dont take those things to heart. I thought, its basically part of eugene, how bad could it be?
I thought that, until I spent more time there. It is a whole different world.
Not in the way people told me though. My car hasnt been broken into, I haven't been offered drugs...none of that.
I ventured to the wrong side of the tracks the other night to go rollerskating. Tuesday night is the cheapest time to go and it also happens to be Christian night. It wasnt that bad. Not much different than any other time Ive gone. the music was actually better than the typical radio disney songs they play. they did some bible trivia...but the oddest part was when, one by one, strollers kept entering the rink.
?
uh... stoller roll 2010?
at 1 point there were 3 strollers out there
then one guy was just carrying his kid and skating...
maybe Im old school, but, where I come from that is a major no no.
this rink has no rules
they dont blow the whistle at you for skating too fast, or running into people, they dont help you when you fall, they let strollers in...

and that mall...
thats a whole other story

chasing Ben

I had a dream the other night that i was out on the town with some friends. We all had dates but werent that involved. My friend brought a date who happened to be Ben Affleck. Eventually I realized that if I ever had a chance to get to know someone rich and famous, this was the time and besides.... he is my type. So, I was chasing ben.
There are so many reasons I had this dream. While joyfully scrubbing walls at work for the true happiness of all beings, I am thinking. I've been thinking about contradiction. The good kind. The kind of contradiction where life as you know it has completely flipped. The judgements, ideas, habits and patterns you live by are turned upside down. And everywhere i go I am learning this...whether its learning true happiness from the buddhist lecture, co-counseling my friends and family, doing the Work, or remembering a line from a movie*.
I may as well list some other reasons I had this dream. Ive been thinking about dating, thinking about missed opportunities with people Ive known and not known, thinking about financial security, and connecting with my good friend Ben. Then there's the superficial ideas about meeting prince charming, being famous- at least by association. I mean, wouldnt it be cool to say Ben Affleck is my boyfriend? But, I can easily contradict that idea. He is just a person, equally 'cool' as anyone else.

So...for the true happiness of all beings, I will become Buddha in this very life, therefore I will joyfully post this blog.
buddhist teachings
http://www.dzogchenlineage.org/index.html

co-counseling
http://www.rc.org/

the Work
http://www.thework.com

*anyone want to play a game and guess the movie I've been thinking about?