a wordle

always a reason

There is a reason why I haven't written anything in awhile. I think. I think it's a good reason, or maybe its just an excuse.
I have not been in the mood to write silly things about LV. I guess I could have written about permaculture then... but I just chose not to write at all.
I have been in survival mode; barely getting by; attending to important, urgent matters and of course saving time for escaping from reality by watching movies, reading books or picking berries.
I prefer a little more security in my world than I have right now. I was asked to leave LV because of my "disrespectful, destructive" 6 year old girl. This is essentially a big slap in the face to my parenting as well. Being told to leave for me, meant that I was soon to be a homeless, jobless, single parent.
Luckily, it also meant a chance at new opportunities. I was not quite ready to leave, but it was a nudge ( or a big fat push off of a mountain) in the direction to better things. This is what I am still hoping anyway. I am fine right now. I know I'll be fine for the next few weeks, I have places to stay. I would like something more permanent though. I know that there is no security in this world, anything can change at any moment, and, I choose to have a stable home base. I am waiting to see exactly where that will be. I am doing my best to be patient and still believe that everything happens for a reason and that everything will be fine. It always works out. Everything always works out perfectly.
The problem is the solution... right? (have to throw in a permie statement)

So
Now I am going to need a real name for this blog. I want a cool gimmicky name. Any ideas?
and
what will it be about? just whatever I am doing? what do i do anyway?
maybe thats the gimmick
'proof that I do something'
or
'northwest of normal'
'who are the people in my neighborhood'
'socially permie'

we'll see how I feel about any of these tomorrow

time up

Can I write a meaningful and or witty post in the next 6 minutes, before lunch is served? Did I miss important signals telling me my time was up here? Am I really exactly where I need to be in this moment? Am I learning what I need to be learning or repeating patterns? Is there really a perfect community out there for me? Is consensus the best way to make decisions? Why do I always feel like I am running out of time?

a strawberry hunt

Instead of writing my resume, making birthday invitations, or cleaning my room, I decided to take Ama on a berry hunt. R said that he found the first wild berries of the season, so I had to see for myself. I knew where a few big patches were...we headed in that direction. We stopped along the way to look at the tadpoles in the pond. I saw lots of strawberry plants, but had the hardest time finding berries. Finally... the big patch in the sun... we found a few tiny berries!

1 year

June 2, I celebrated being at LV for 1 year. As far as I know, there was almost an appreciation circle for me. I'm glad someone thought about doing that. I guess there wasnt enough time though. I have been wanting appreciations for awhile. I've asked. I guess I am being tested ... I need to pass the test of asking while remaining unattached to the outcome. Yes, I know I need to appreciate myself...and...it is nice to be loved and needed and wanted by the people around me.
I am taking some advice I got about appreciating the people around me. And dropping my ego even more... I dont think I can have much less ego than I do anyway.

inspiration

No, actually I dont think my problem is about inspiration, or even motivation. I am inspired by the beauty around me and the fun excitement happening. Maybe it is a lack of motivation. Maybe its my overwhelming feeling of being overwhelmed. Maybe its priorities...it has been written in my agenda for at least a week to take care of myself; to do something for myself just for the sake of loving myself and getting me back on track with a positive attitude. I put it off just long enough to where my body physically had to say "enough" and knock me to my feet with gut wrenching pain. "OK". I get it. I need to rest. I need to relax and let go. The mexican lunch will be cooked by someone else. Ama is taken care of. I can relax. I can sleep.
3 hour nap
its ok.
everything is ok.
I did however , miss my last chance to cook with N (AKA something cosmic). He is leaving soon. J is leaving sooner. K is leaving. D is leaving. Am I forgetting anyone? So many people are leaving. People who have been here the whole time I have been here. People who seem to make this place Lost valley. People who are extremely loving and compassionate. People who seem to keep this dimming heart of lv beating....

celebration of love