existential crisis of a 7 year old

" What is a flower? A thing that makes pollen for bees? What is a bee? What am I? What is real? What is?"

She went on and on with questions. She is frustrated. She wonders what is real. She wonders what the point of words is. No wonder she has been angry. This seems like alot for a little girl to be worrying about. She takes on more than she needs to for some reason. Sometimes she insists that she is here to take care of me. She is a caretaker. She loves the earth and sometimes wails to release the burden that comes along with that love. She busks at the holiday market, singing about how wrapping paper, and most of christmas, will soon be trash filling the earth. She puts on plays with her theater troupe to act out how she feels about her mom and dad arguing. She tells me about bullies at her school, and how she challenges them to come after her so they wont hurt the 'weaker' kids. She tells me that her name means love and laughter. She tells me her job is to help people get their anger out.
She understands more than some adults I know.
And, she is a bit too much for me to handle sometimes.

WWTTD?

What would the tribe do?

After all the learning I have done over the last 6 years, sometimes I feel like ... like... what? An idealistic alien maybe. Does my ideal really exist?
I want tribal living. I want everyone to feel loved and accepted. I want to feel loved and accepted. I want healthy communication. I want people to emotionally support each other. I want to physically live in a tribe of people with the same ideas. I want my daughter, and all kids, to feel loved and accepted.
My bigger question is this, what do we do when a person does not seem to 'fit in' to a community? Sometimes we can tell them to leave. If they are an adult doing something "wrong" enough, we can send them to jail. We can put them on drugs. We can send them to a mental hospital.
What about a child?
What do tribes do? What did they do?
I dont believe in reward and punishment, therefore, I dont believe in jail. I also believe that if we support our children properly, there would be no need for jail. I dont think tribes had 'jails'.
Of course these modern urban 'tribes' are not the same as tribes of long ago... or any tribe that a person is born into and lives with their whole lives. When we throw a bunch of people together with many different life experiences, that s a whole different story. We have to build our own culture, we have to work on our issues, we have to heal our own childhood wounds.

I have this dream of living with an actual tribe with Ama. I want to be immersed in a tribal culture for awhile. Eventually I might go to Africa to do this, but first I want to go somewhere closer. I am very excited because I am pretty sure I will experience a native american tribe with in the next year. It is very exciting and also very scary. I have to overcome some fears of being accepted, among other things, and I know I will still have fears, but I will have to feel the fear and do it anyway.

and just a reminder... I am still working on building my tribe in Oregon. Eventually I want to get land and start a child centered ecovillage

I would love comments, questions,and connections to tribes and villages of any sort!

triple L time zone

I am in my own time zone sometimes. I hope that I can get back to my commitment to write here everyday, soon. I know I could be more proactive. I know there is alot I could do better.. but then people tell me I am being too hard on myself. I have a whole list of things I think I should be able to do. I should be able to write a small blog everyday. I should be able to get my schedules on track to be more proactive. I should be able to make a list of what I am thankful for, on Thanksgiving.
should
sure
well, I didnt
I do want to make a list now though, even if I am not having the most grateful type of day.
Thankfulness...
sweet potatoes- the white ones especially
goodwill bins
those moments when I can tell I am doing something right with Ama
argyle socks
Ama's smile
parent support groups
Heart of Now
gumbo
buddha church
breath of fire
friends
family
friends who are more like family
friends who make me start a compost pile with them when I visit
truth
dance dance revolution
my courage to try DDR
my courage to at least go to the booty bassment party
karaoke
hot springs
hulu
flashmobs
villages

long break

A quick post...
Yes, this has been a long break. over a month.
I had too many things change at once and I am still settling in. I wish I could be settling in. I guess change is a constant, but...really...this much change?!
I have so much I could write, and I havent been writing.
I have so much to say, and I havent been talking.
I have been listening, and loving, and working, and shopping and ...

I have been loving as much as I can that is.

I have been learning alot. I am taking a bunch in. I just wish I could put it into words sometimes...
I could write about the funeral
or
the family brawl
the mediating I did
the silly parts of the roadtrip
my dream about cows and bonnets and covered wagons
my new job
moving because we were kicked out- again
my indecisiveness about moving out of my ex's house
how I feel about potentially living with my Ama only half time
how I feel about my garden being ripped out - again
my ideas for what I am meant to do with my life
my really cool clients
my experiments in unconditional love
nostalgia
fears
loves
or sillyness

but for now
a list is all I can get out
<3

break

I might not write this week. I am planning on getting in the car in a few hours and heading back to phx. This time for a funeral. I hope to pick up my mom and sister on the way.
I should have some great posts when I get back.
Maybe I will describe the amazing timing of it all....if I have the words.
right now I dont.

My car is clean
the tires are good
things are packed
cd's are ready

2.85$

I made 2.85 yesterday by collecting all of my neighbors bottles and taking them to Safeway. There were about 50 glass bottles out there waiting to be recycled. I just remembered that they were worth 5 cents each, so I may as well take them to the bottle eating machines at the supermarket. My goal was to turn them in before I picked Ama up from school... but I couldnt find the place. I felt a little weird getting out of the car to pick her up with beer bottles almost overflowing from the car!
We went back to safeway, found the recycling room, put the jars in the machine...and finally got our 2$!

humility, recognition, proactiveness, and balancing it all

Balancing all these things turns my mind into a 'huckabees' * debate. How can I be humble and receive recognition? How can I work towards big goals without an ego? How do I be proactive AND trust the universe to provide me with everything I need?
Right now the universe thinks I only need a few hundred $ a month, a roof over my head and an angry child.
I know I am exaggerating. I have alot to be thankful for and I wrote a whole list a few blogs ago. Something weird happened after I wrote that though and it threw me in a loop. I was sharing my gratitude, and within hours, it was as if the universe slapped me in the face...like 'ha ha lets see if you like this...lets just take away a few more of those things you are grateful for!'
anyway
I will just keep being thankful and keep asking for what I want.

I wanted to acknowledge my photos. A big part of the joy of blogging for me, is to share my photos. I thought I should make it clear that I took all of the pictures that I post. I am proud of them and I am ready to receive recognition for my beautiful photos! :)

*huckabees is my favorite movie (I <3 Huckabees). It is about existential detectives who debate somethingness and nothingness....