I have not been in the best mood for the last few days. Even though I might laugh at the silly conversations at lunch or enjoy a massage from K , I go back to my blah feeling. When everyone raves about the meal that M cooked, I get jealous. When someone changes the love chore* board, I get personally offended. I start wondering if F is actually working or just pretending. I joke with Koskay about joining his drum group of happy little friends and feel rejected. When W tells us about how kids in her community are respected and never thought of as a burden, I cry and then steep with anger. I walk around and dont offer hugs. I want people to come to me.
Like people living in NYC... I am surrounded by people yet feel lonely and not understood. What happened to compassion? What happened to our goals to be different... to live in a supportive village model? Sometimes it just seems like we are all struggling to get by on our own and cant imagine working together cooperatively.
Some of us believe in 'the secret' and manifesting what we want etc. I know I could change my attitude and have a whole different outlook in the next moment, but i guess i want to be negative for a few minutes.
*my love chore is 'love coordinator'
i am in charge of the love chore board. this is our attempt at getting random jobs done such as cleaning the guesthouse, checking the mail, catching mice, composter, organizing the first aid center, laundry...I'm still not sure about the effectiveness of this system.
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