isolation

Something has happened here, where freedom and independence has turned into isolation. I think there are many -too many- people out there who can go through a day and not talk to anyone. Many more people are going though days only talking to a few select people. And how much of that talk is meaningful?
I also think some of the most isolated people are moms. I can remember many days when Ama was a baby, when she was the only person I talked to. It can literally make a person crazy. Sure, I took her to storytimes, classes and on errands, but conversations at those places dont usually get too deep. I was doing my best, but I dont think she learned very good social skills from these things. I have never claimed to be a good person to learn social skills from! As she got older and started causing more "trouble" , I wanted to be even less social. I cant bring a child who hits on a playdate can I? Eventually I learned that if I didnt bring her to playdates then how would she learn not to hit? I made that realization but didnt know I had much bigger issues to overcome. -thats another story-
This is a viscious cycle and a huge oppression to overcome.
I am trying so hard to beat my isolation tendencies and gently help others at the same time.... and it is so hard for me. I am not outgoing, I have been considered extremely shy for parts of my life, and my parental self esteem seems pretty much gone. I am trying. Everything I have learned has been pointing me in this direction. I want to try harder, even if people might think it's weird.
If I invite you to dinner.... remember how hard it can be to have someone in my space.
If I bring my child to an event.... trust that I know she should be there.
If I come to your event.... understand my quiet nature comes from fear and/or contentment.
If I invite you to come live in my village.... tell me your ideas, and ask about mine.
If I invite you rollerskating, trampoline jumping, or to a party in the Fred Meyer lounge on Hawthorne.... (I hope you come)
whatever it is
know that I am doing my best to break the isolation patterns that are too common in society.