apple cider

fern hill

We took a trip out to fern hill nursery this weekend for their equinox open house. My first thought was 'why does every community we visit involve at least 1/2 a mile on a bumpy, 1 lane, dirt road, uphill'? This is a small community, just a few people who live and work with the nursery. It was a beautiful permaculture example. The main reason I went, aside from just wanting to see it, was the apple press. The ad said to bring apples and jars to make cider! Yum! We harvested apples from a tree at a vacant house on my street the day before... now that was a sight to see. I borrowed a ladder from my step dad, and rode my bike, carrying it down the street!
free apples
cider press
mmmmm fresh squeezed apple juice in the morning!

pictures will follow

slugs and stuff

I have lived here so many summers, and somehow, this was my first time attending the annual slug queen pageant. Amazingly enough, this event was one of those little things I heard about Eugene that made me want to live here. That, and another story Laurie Notaro told about a family biking down the road; one person with a violin, one with a basket of fruit, and one with a chicken. Laurie is my favorite silly comedian author who moved from Phx to Eugene years ago.
Yes, these were the first things I heard about this town that made me think..hmmm, I think I want to live there too.
that is how I started creating this reality I am now living.
Sometimes I am reminded how crazy it is. How I started it all...and because of the slugs!?
Now, I am here. My mom, step dad and sister are here. I easily made a circle of friends who understand me. Ama is here, loving it. Her dad is finally moving closer to us. My traveling friends wander through and spend time with me.
I am surrounded by beauty.
yet I struggle
I busy myself and forget to enjoy the moment.
I get so stressed and so tired I miss events, I dont feel like being social and feel disconnected.
And sometimes, even with the stress , and headaches, and full body tiredness...I force myself to go out and connect.
Thats how I ended up at the slug fest. I am so glad I went. I dont think I could describe the eugene sillyness that happens at the slug queen coronation...singing, dancing, guys in dresses, bribery, community, comedy.
Synergy was happening that evening.
I ran into 2 other families that I need to keep in my network of non mainstream people to meet up with.
and now...
Ama dreams of being the slug queen!

SE portland

A lovely couple of friends took us in this weekend so we could participate in a dance flashmob in Portland. They live in this great family friendly neighborhood that gets together every year for a block party. They also have a yearly camp out trip and many spontaneous encounters, play dates, meals and conversations. I need to look into it more, but one of the friends I stayed with has been a leader in starting the transition town concept.
http://www.thedirt.org/tpdx
http://www.transitiontowns.org/

2 months

Its been 2 months since I left LV. I am still recovering. I've heard that when you are in a relationship that ends, it takes 1 month for every year you were together, to get over the break up. With that theory, I should be over it pretty soon.
LV always seemed like this entity that I married in to. It is a major commitment to move into a community. Its like a marriage between 15-30 other people, who should all have the choice to know what they are getting into.
That would be a conscious way to invite a mother and child into your home.
I'm not over it yet; the millions of feelings I have about my 13 months living, working and playing there in the permie lifestyle way.
the miscommunications or non communications,
betrayal, nonacceptance, inefficiencies, fake smiles,
hugs, laughter, healthy food, drumming.....
i could go on forever
Although I miss it, I will not go back. I chose to leave and not fight the 1 or 2 people who fought for us to leave. I gave in, in the hopes of something better.
Oh! I hope there is something better.

"In stark contrast to a trust in our inherent worth, we were exiled from the garden of Eden. Because of our flawed nature, we do not deserve happiness or to be loved, at ease with life. We are outcasts, and if we are to reenter the garden we must redeem our sinful selves. We must overcome our flaws by controlling our bodies, controlling our emotions, controlling other people. And we must strive tirelessly-working,achieving, and rushing- in a never ending quest to prove ourselves once and for all."
(an almost quote from "Radical Acceptance" by Tara Brach)
I thought
I really thought, that LV would be past these mainstream paradigms.