it's all connected

bathrooms, aliens, fear, protector, Lost Valley, dreams, people....

I finally heard her dream. Her 'bad dream' that she has been mentioning for 3 years, but never wanted to tell me. She said it was too bad to tell me. It is too scary.
She still didnt tell me, but I overheard her story when she pulled her friend aside to tell him. She walked round the corner about 10 feet away and proceeded to tell her story, quite loudly.
I think she may have wanted me to hear.
I hope that she is getting the healing she needs from finally sharing her dream with me.
I can only guess what it all means, but it seems pretty clear. It is all coming together. Her strong desire to protect me, her fear of people and bathrooms...
I have done my best to make different healing options available... I let her know she can tell me or tell someone else her dreams, I gave her space to not tell me, I offered for her to explore painting it out, I had a healer to come do reiki with her, I brought in some Taras to protect her, my friend Tara :) brought in some angels to help her, I give her fish oils in her juice, I buy her healing stones, we light candles...
and on and on
I guess that day that she told me she had a bad dream and I held her and listened to what she would share with me, I had no idea we would still be working through it 3 years later.
I guess that's life
at least today

on hold

Sometimes it seems like I am living the wrong life. Or like my life is on hold. Maybe I will get to do all the things I want to do, but for some reason it seems unlikely that I can do what I want to do. It is possible I just need to be patient and work on getting to where I want to be. Its possible. Maybe it's weird that I feel this way. I have done alot of cool things. It just seems like Ama is at an age that she needs to have more stability and I actually want that too, but I also want to travel. I dont see a way to get both of our needs met with the resources I have right now. That frustrates me and then I feel stuck. I want to be able to have a seasonal job, or work a month in an ashram, then work a month on a farm, then work a month in Ireland... or whatever.
I also think I may have made some mistakes. I used to make 8times what I make now. I am extemely low income and dont really see myself getting out of that. I cant travel with a child, with no income. I cant just be a traveling gypsy in a covered wagon in this day and age... although that is something else I would really like to do as well.
I feel stuck in the middle.